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Motherly burden
APR 13 -
Sundays are always difficult. His innocent eyes are piercing into me; the pearls that roll down and wet his cheeks ask me: what is this mom, where are you going and not taking me? As I get ready, he puts on his blue cap thinking he is also coming along. He looks at me and cries, the moment is difficult. Every day I question myself, am I doing the right thing? Feeding him gives me much more satisfaction than completing any assignment at work.
But still, I wait for Saturdays to feed and play with him. My mind says what I am doing is right in the current world: that I need to get out of the house and stand on my own two feet. I should be able to compete with my contemporaries regardless of the gender and stand out in every endeavour I take.
I know my son will be proud of me when he learns that his mom is a successful and respected figure in society. But he can’t understand that now; at the present, he is crying. Am I sacrificing his today to make my tomorrow better? My family says that as soon as he is given a new toy he forgets why he was crying. But for me, the guilt that comes from seeing his innocent crying face, wet cheeks and his outstretched hands asking me to hold him stays with me the rest of the day.
My childhood was much richer than what I am able to give to my son now.
I don’t remember a single moment when I had to wait for my mom; she dedicated all her time to ensure our comfort and help us towards a better future and that has made me what I am today. In today’s fast, competitive, expecting and exhausting world, everyone needs a loving shoulder to lean on, soothing words to listen to, and someone dear to hold onto. Who better than a mother to rely on for these needs? But, am I a complete mother? I cannot give all of the same things to my son that my mother gave to me because I have to think about my career. My time is divided and my son has no option but to compromise. I have tried to convince myself that this is the right thing to do. But I’m already now at the situation when you are stepping in two places.
When I returned to the office after a two-month maternity leave, I was not sure I’d be able to concentrate on work. I work in a hospital where posters advising six months of exclusively mother’s milk for babies are common, so I was hopeful that my office would be okay with me going home periodically during the day to feed my baby if I could do so without hampering my work responsibilities. But this double burden all working mothers face proved too hard to face.
After I resigned, I did suggest that the authorities make rules friendlier to working mothers by citing examples of other countries where the facilities for mother and child do exist.
Posted on: 2010-04-14 07:10
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