Cycle of violence
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I thought of Patti Smith’s lyric, “He spared the child and spoiled the rod,” and wished Nepal would heed that advice more. I see someone committing an act of violence against another every day. Behind my house just yesterday, a woman was hitting her son so hard with a rod that it smashed on his head and broke into two pieces. He was cowering on the ground, sobbing, defenseless. His mother was most likely beaten up by her own parents or other loved ones. And she passes this cruelty on to her son. He then passes it on to other children and animals, even treating his personal possessions with brutality.
This cycle of violence is passed on; it is said to be part of the tradition, the culture and the parenting style of Nepal. This violence and aggression against those that are defenseless only breeds more violence and aggression. “Children who are treated with great harshness by parents or others and are also taught to use violence in their defence may learn that only violence will give them security, a feeling of control, a positive identity,” psychologist and author Ervin Staub says. Therefore, children become bullies and learn to use violence as their only coping mechanism.
We need to provide our children with a non-violent and creative upbringing, teaching them positive coping mechanisms and giving them outlets through which to express themselves and to grow.
Author, inventor and thinker Edward de Bono says, “There is no doubt that creativity is the most important human resource of all. Without creativity, there would be no progress, and we would be forever repeating the same patterns.” Forever repeating the same patterns: aggression, violence, and abuse. If creativity is the most important (and free) human resource of all, why aren’t we allowing our children and fellow citizens to reap its benefits? Creativity allows children to have imagination, to make something even if they have nothing. Creating something provides a release, an outlet where we can freely express our thoughts and ideas. Violence stifles creativity. Creativity is the antithesis to violence. They cancel each other out, and the effects of each are null.
Staub further states, “Neglect, hostility, harsh treatment or abuse by parents and peers, and lack of structure and guidance contribute to aggression.” This can be shown in the bus attendant that hits the school children on the head when they enter the school bus. Schools are another place where children should feel safe from the threat of violence. That is not the case here—violence is prevalent in educational settings as well. The bus attendant was probably neglected and treated harshly by his own parents, and is now passing on this violence to other children that are not even his own. This aggression is deemed to be permissible. Brutality towards children has lasting effects, such as a predisposition to depression and mental health issues, hostile attitudes and the inability to cope with challenges, among many other effects.
The conflict in Nepal ended only in 2006, a recent enough time for school-aged children to remember the nationwide fighting and violence. But despite this, the violence within their homes have not ceased. Violence within homes causes the most sacred place in a child’s life to be put in peril and for them to feel unsafe there. Here, in Nepal, lots of parents have the added difficulties of trying to meet their children’s most basic needs. Parents can act impulsively and aggressively when they are not able to provide food, clothing and shelter to their families. But when children’s basic needs are indeed met, “they may be less attracted to destructive ideological visions and less likely to join potentially destructive avenues to fulfill needs frustrated by social conditions,” Staub states. Just because there are frustrations associated with fulfilling these basic human needs does not excuse or condone violent behaviour, especially towards children who are defenseless against an adult’s fist or harsh words.
It is a simple idea: love creates loving children, violence creates aggressive children. There seems to be a misconception that hitting children, yelling at them and being tough on them in general prepares them for the hard adult life that awaits them. Verbally and physically abusing them does not prepare them for an effective adult life; it prepares them for a life of aggressive, destructive and even criminal behaviour. Most prisoners I have done creative and rehabilitative arts work with have said repeatedly that if they had been provided with the tools to express themselves and become creative early on in life, they could have prevented their violent and criminal actions. Expressing themselves through art, dance, writing, theatre and music are just some of the ways that they can channel that aggression left over from their difficult beginnings of life in which the rod was spared, and the beautiful, innocent child was spoiled.
hannahglilly@gmail.com
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